I am, I will

The battle of the last three years is once again changing. This enemy keeps changing the rules and each time I take the bait and let fear, worry, and sorrow cloud out God, good, and promises. As many of you know, my hero, my husband, is battling a rare form of leukemia. Just when we thought we were sailing along in our new normal, one blood test revealed things are changing.

Timely that just a few days before, I had written out the following verse and put it in a place where each night it literally falls into my lap as I open a book. “Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be afraid, for I am your God. I will strengthen you; I will surely help you; I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.” (Isaiah 41:10 BSB) What stood out to me was that there are two ‘I am’ and three ‘I will’ statements.

All this hard stuff you, me, and this hurting world go through can’t be fixed, undone, redone, cured, transformed, made right by our efforts. ‘I am’ reminds me the great I AM is my God. He knows I’m fearful, afraid. He does not condemn me for lacking trust. He reminds me it’s normal, but He is mine and I am His always. ‘I will’ tells me this is His battle. This isn’t beyond His ability. No matter how things turn out here for us on earth, they don’t look anything like that in eternity.

And then little rays of light shine in the dark shadows. Loved ones seeking God after years of prayer. Friends volunteering to pray daily at 9am. And grandsons who hug me tight and then make me laugh.

I read a book years ago by Stormie OMartian called Just Enough Light for the Next Step. Talk about a hard life. Yet God used her to encourage others in their prayer life, to author numerous books, and to inspire those walking in hard things. The book reminded me that the dark shadow times are never a complete blackout. God’s light shows us the way as the Holy Spirit nudges us.

Quite a while back, when sleep became an issue for me, I memorized this: “In peace I will lie down and sleep, for You alone, LORD, make me dwell in safety.” (Psalm 4:8 NIV) Oh, if only we would take to heart all His good words and promises.

Holley Gerth recently shared this verse and these words: “I believed in you, so I said, ‘I am deeply troubled, Lord.’ ” (Psalm 116:10 NLT) “We don’t have to be as strong as we might think we do. We don’t have to fake it to prove our faith. God can handle where our hearts really are right now. We’re deeply loved in every moment, when we’re ‘fine’ and when we’re falling apart.”

Today, moment by moment, in the happy and the hard – remember God has told us ‘I am’ and ‘I will’ in all things, at all times, in all places.