Finding our way
I told God I had run out of words. I had nothing worth sharing. A gentle nudge – share Me.
Two years ago the valley of the shadow engulfed us. Me in particular as I couldn’t reconcile the “whys”. So, I retreated. And that was a bad choice. That choice then made me the only one who could ‘fix’ things – and instead I wound up facing chronic pain due to the extreme tension of trying to change what I don’t have the power to change.
My husband of 41 years has leukemia. Two years ago we were told a big, long word that didn’t sound good but also told it would be handled by “wait and see”. After all, only 33% of those diagnosed with MDS will get leukemia. Then this April, we became part of the 33%.
I worked hard to overcome the pain in my body and just as I was seeing the end of the tunnel, his tunnel began. If you have cancer, or any life threatening disease, you know this road. Today in the shower I told God: “We have not had the miracle, the cure, the sadness lurks day in and day out. What kind of testimony do I have?”
A reminder came to my soul – it’s never our testimony – it’s the resurrected Jesus’ testimony. He has overcome leukemia and every other thing that plagues our weary world. How could I not share this?
Here in Florida we get a lot of rain. Sometimes the sun is shining and it’s raining. I call them sun showers. We also get a lot of thunder and lightening. I sit outside in a protected area and listen to God cleansing the earth.
He cleanses our broken souls with soft showers and loud cloud bursts as well. Sometimes it’s just a setback – sometimes it’s life threatening. But always He can use it to make us better. If I have any testimony, it’s that I am not the person I was two years ago. And, clearly, God is still working in me. I am more compassionate, more honest with myself, and have a deeper trust of Christ’s love than ever.
As I begin this writing journey here, again, (I stopped as the darkness swallowed me), maybe it will help you find your way – whether you’re experiencing days of joy or days of deep sorrow. For all these things are gifts from God, if we let them be, and stop trying to ‘fix’ them our way.
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I’m glad you’re back Parisrenae! Insightful, truthful beautiful words from a truthful beautiful godly woman 💞
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Thank you, friend, for all your love and encouragement.
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I am glad you are back as your writing was a blessing and encouragement many a time to me. May the Lord continue to strengthen both you and your husband as you face the days ahead. May all we go through never leave us quite the same but mold us into displays for His glory.
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Joanne, thank you so much for your encouragement – and yes indeed, may all glory be His forever and ever…
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I love you mama ❤️Joel
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Thank you for writing again. I have missed you! I am sorry to hear of his illness. What a hard burden to bear! How is he doing? What is the treatment or prognosis? Life seems to hand us some tough things to do and I have no idea what you are going through but know that God is with you both on this journey. Simple to say, hard to do. I will certainly pray for you but if there is anything tangible I can do please let me know. Need to talk, vent, cry, whatever, I am a phone call away.
Love you,
Becky
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Thank you, Becky, for the words of encouragement and prayers and offers of help. We do need to do lunch, will call you when we get back from the mountains.
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It is good to read your journey! I pray for healing and wisdom. I pray for the experience of treasuring each moment.
Finding beauty in all things. I love you and I am glad your back to sharing!
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Thank you for the prayers and your encouragement.
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I am so glad to hear from you again, and so sorrowful of all that you and your precious family must be going through. Don’t let yourself be fooled. No testimony is more powerful than when we keep hanging onto Jesus when the road is dark. You are not alone. Your words are life to all of us!
praying for you!
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Thank you, Elaine, the words of encouragement are precious – and the prayers even more so.
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Welcome back! What an honest and timely message. Just what we all need to hear.
Sent from Yahoo Mail on Android
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Thank you for those kind words of encouragement.
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I can relate. My husband has a multitude of health difficulties. It is a long, exhausting road to be a caregiver. But I know God’s power is seen well through our weaknesses. Thank you for being courageous and continuing to write. Sharing Christ gives purpose to our pain. May He strengthen you and your husband. May these difficult experiences draw others close with curiosity about where your hope and strength come from.
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Forgive my slowness in responding to your heartfelt comment, may your words be true – that God uses all this to light the way for others. Praying for strenght for you today and much joy and peace in the midst of it all.
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thank you! I’m praying the Lord will do the same for you. I do know He meets us in our obedience, especially when it’s hard. May He meet you in new ways and reveal the dimensions of His love.
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Thank-you for reminding us that we can’t fix things. God loves us. And he does help us to become better–refined. I learned the most about God when my son was battling leukemia.
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Oh that is one that breaks my husband’s heart – to know a child has to suffer what he is experiencing. This broken world will someday be no more and the many tears you have shed are a treasure to God’s heart – He loves you so.
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I too am glad you are back. It’s a hard path you are on, but I know the Lord will use you to be a blessing, encouragement, and beacon of hope to many as you share your journey. Praying for you and your husband.
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Thank you for those sweet words and prayers. It is good to be back. It is how God has always helped me process but He used that time to refine my processing in ways nothing else can. May you be blessed with much peace and joy in your journey.
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Thanks.
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Thanks for sharing your heart and your struggle through these difficult experiences. Those of your friends who love you and and your husband want to share in your burdens and so hope to continue fellowship with you. Especially as stated in Rom12: 9-15 finishing with rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep. Personally, since I have walked your type of experience with Mike’s horrible illness and eventual passing to eternity, I think of the comfort scriptures when fellowshiping with others experiencing similar journies. 2 Cor. 1: 3-7 for comforting one another. Keeping you 2 in prayer for the Lord’s outpouring of love, faith, grace, and peace. Love in Jesus, Janet
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You are a faithful prayer warrior and we so appreciate it (we will get together soon, but you know how it is). xoxo
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