Test me

Remember the announcements back in the day, whether on radio or TV – a loud beeping would occur followed by, “This is a test of the emergency broadcast system”? Have you ever felt like that’s your life? There were days where I would call my best friend and say, ‘This is a test of my emergency broadcast system type of day’. Days when test results weren’t good. Days where the emergency room was my outing for the day. Days when sorrow felt like it would drown me. I know you’ve had those days.

As I near the end of my study of Psalm 139, David, the author, is relating his testing system. He cries out to God with, “Test me and know my anxious thoughts.” (verse 23b NIV) If you look back over the entire Psalm before this verse, he has illustrated how God knows our thoughts before we think them. He acknowledges that God is ever with him. Even before he was born God was knitting him together. But then in verses 19-22 he remembers his enemies. Sigh…

This is the David of whom God said, ‘he’s a man after My own heart’. David who sinned like all the rest of us. David who doubted like all of us. David who feared his enemies, as we do. Our enemy may be financial upheaval, divorce, strained relationships, sickness, death. And right there, just like with David, the emergency signal begins to sound.

God knows this about us. He doesn’t roll His eyes and mutter ‘not again’. He knows we lose sight of the FACT that He is right here with us. The Holy Spirit in us is a done deal. Jesus is always going to the throne room on our behalf. But we are a self-sufficient bunch, and we wonder why we can’t just handle all of this.

And then when our own tactics falter, so does our trust. Send out the SOS! Backing up one verse, David had just said, “Search me, O God, and know my heart” (verse 23a NIV) An invitation just before the plea. ‘I know You know me God, remember I love you with all of me, but I think I need some help, I’m afraid (worried, sorrowed, lost, lonely, etc.)

I have to admit, as my husband’s death drew near, I couldn’t even think to send out the one-word prayer: Help! Desperate for things not to go the way they did. Wanting the last-minute miracle. Too tired to even form a prayer.

And for a while, in the long silence of after, mostly all I could say was, ‘Why’. David ends his heartfelt Psalm with, “See if there is any offensive way in me; and lead me in the way everlasting.” (verse 24 NIV) There are offensive ways in all of us. Offensive to the Almighty God, sometimes offensive to us. Jesus has paid the price for those ways. And the deep, deep love of the Father in essence says, ‘My child, don’t you know, there’s nothing you can do to make Me love you less? My Son paid it all, and you are Mine.’

The way everlasting. What a wonderful path to be on. On earth it will have potholes, roadblocks, wrong turns. But our faithful Savior gently puts us back on the narrow path and whispers ‘this is the way, walk in it’. And some sweet day, dear friend, you will be home – and there are no emergency broadcast systems there. The Rescuer has prepared your place for all eternity.