Remember

Being a widow is exhausting (as I imagine any deep grief and loss is). I’m one who’s up with the sun – or before. I love to see the faint sky and get more joyful as the pinks of early morning begin their path. Then by evening when skies have grown dark, my eyes don’t want to stay open.

But in this new ‘season’ or ‘journey’ or whatever we call life when everything we knew has changed, I still love mornings, but they can quickly turn anxious. Sometimes my feet hit the floor and I’m already struggling to make sense of it all. Do you have those mornings? Days? Weeks?

I had been looking forward to today for some time. I was going to a lady’s event at a friend’s church. Popular speaker, good music, fellowship with several friends. Awesome, right? I thought so until I turned on the light. And suddenly I wanted to think of a good reason to cancel. I wanted to hide. To go for a l-o-n-g walk. Anything but put on a smile and be in a crowd.

Usually, I give in to that voice that says, ‘it’s ok, just stay home’. Today I tried living out what the Bible tells us. Things like don’t be anxious, take every thought captive, trust in the Lord. So, I sat down with my Bible in my lap and a notepad. And this is what I wrote: God, You knew I would wake in this anxious state. You also knew I could choose to do things my way OR I could choose to sit with You. I could call out to the One who is always ready to listen. I could remember…

My story isn’t in the Bible, but You are writing it in my anxious moments and in the calm ones. You were writing it when my husband was here and You are still writing now. You were writing it when I took my first breath and in all the joys and sorrows of childhood, and all the years since. You are the author of my faith, and my faith is built on a lifetime of seeing You are true and good, and Your promises never fail.

When tears stream down my cheeks, when I feel all alone, I can choose to remember the God of my story. Lives recounted in the Bible are a precious few generations of men and women. Each one a unique story God chose to share with us to help us remember His faithfulness, His provision, Him.

The book of John tells us, “The Word became flesh and made His dwelling among us.” (John 1:14a NIV) Jesus is the very Word of God. On this side of the cross we know that all the words of the Old Testament were preparing mankind for the plan made before the beginning of time. That God would come in the flesh, live among us, and die for us. So, this side of the cross, we live in the fact that God has made a way for us live with Him, this time forever and ever.

This morning as I recalled so much of Jesus’ story from Old to New Testament I remembered: He has parted my Red Seas, He has been with me in the floods and fires of life, He has invited me to walk on water with Him, He has let me touch the hem of His robe, and let me wipe His feet with my tears. He spread His arms wide to die on the cross. Now I will choose to remember – He holds those same arms wide to embrace me when someday I wake not to a morning on earth but to eternity in His presence.