Ok to be afraid
I’ve been pondering the devastation of Western North Carolina – an area where my family and I have made memories. Recently I have heard three different people say essentially the same sad phrase: “The North Carolina mountain landscape will never look the same.” While it brings tears to my eyes, it has been life changing, frightening, and deeply sorrowful for those who call it home.
I reflected on what it must be like to own your home and the ground it sits on one day and the next to see that not only has your home washed away but the very ground it stood on has slid away, leaving only a steep embankment.
In our lives it may not be a literal landscape that has washed away, but the landscape of our heart. What was once a rock-solid career has disappeared due to financial instability – changing not only the company’s landscape but that of your family’s bank account. A terminal illness diagnosis leads to endless appointments and eventually ends life – changing the landscape of the family with an empty spot at the table.
Are you facing, or have you already faced, times that felt like a storm came through and now nothing looks the same? Do you feel fearful? Do you also feel guilty for feeling fearful because, as a Christian, aren’t you supposed to be stoic?
I’ve been there. Ok, sometimes, it still creeps in. Of all the things I’ve been learning, I think my biggest ‘aha’ has been that it is ok to be afraid. It’s not shameful, it’s not wrong, it is human.
You may be thinking: but the Bible says ‘fear not’, ‘do not be afraid’. Take a closer look. When those words are used, look at the context. God is always the answer when we fear. Not us pulling ourselves together. Not us praying more. Not us doing anything. Jesus knows our fragile hearts are prone to fear.
Financial resources, needs: Luke 12:22-32 addresses worrying about food, clothes, shelter, etc. This passage ends with “Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has been pleased to give you the kingdom.” Yes, hard right now, but right now is preparing you for a kingdom we can’t begin to fathom.
When it comes to marriage, children, illness, death God is right there in those ‘fear not’ passages as well. God doesn’t miss the passing of a sparrow; He knows the number of hairs on your head – and how many fall out during chemo. Matthew 10:29-31 ends with: “So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.” Worth more to whom? The Creator who knit you together, who will give you a welcome home hug like no other and promises you will never fear again. But for now, share your fears with God and others – and your tears.
Just the right time
Settling back in the chair I write to clear my head. So many thoughts swirling. My husband’s chemo, my son’s broken collarbone and no surgeon available until days later, another hurricane coming, power outages and tons of rain. Ah me…
As I sighed it all out to God, those words: I control the storm, My timing is perfect, nothing is impossible for Me. Do you believe this?
Oh, there have been times in the not-so-distant pass that I would have given a firm ‘No’ in response. How could it be true considering the circumstances? But lessons learned through the Holy Spirit’s constant companionship and prying open my fingers to let go of trying to ‘control’ outcomes have worked the steadfast love of the Lord deep in my heart.
It doesn’t make it easier, but it does usher in a calmness and wisdom once lacking. There’s a Bible verse regarding when God chose to send Jesus to give us freedom from our sinful ways. “When we were utterly helpless, Christ came at just the right time and died for us sinners.” (Romans 5:6 NLT) The words that strike me are…’at just the right time’.
If that’s true of what seems so impossible, that Christ would willingly die to cover over all my wrongs, then all the events that happen in life are surely at…just the right time.
The truth is, we are still ‘utterly helpless’ (in and of ourselves). We can’t hold back a hurricane, nor its destruction. We can’t keep a loved one’s body from disease and broken bones. And we most assuredly, try as we might, can’t make ourselves good in God’s eyes. Oh, such love that covers us with the beauty of His Son and sees only His righteousness when He sees us.
Indeed, it is finished! This world has no permanent hold, the enemy has no lasting impact, because some sweet day: worry will no longer be a word, sickness will have vanished (forever), and storms will be long forgotten.
“Even the winds and the waves obey him!” (Matthew 8:27b NIV) “No longer will you need the sun to shine by day, nor the moon to give its light by night, for the LORD your God will be your everlasting light, and your God will be your glory.” (Isaiah 60:19 NLT)
Uncertainty
As I try and choose words, my fears want to crowd out truth. We have friends, family in the flooded and devastated areas of Florida, Georgia, North Carolina.
How does one recover after two feet of water floods your house in the middle of the night? Or storm surge knocks your house off its foundation. Or mudslides and huge trees and floodwaters block the way of escape.
As we wait to hear from some of those we have not been able to reach – and as we hear from those now trying to figure out what to do next, we are heavy hearted. Alright, yes fearful. God does not say do not fear when life turns upside down – He knows us. He says put your hope in Jesus. “Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from Him.” (Psalm 62:5 NIV)
So, as we wait and pray – and as they wait until contact is restored or homes are restored, there’s a choice. Trust that God wasn’t taken by surprise and He will use this in so many amazing ways. We can’t lose heart and try to control it ourselves.
I’ve been one to try and control circumstances – and not so very long ago. But great lessons and faith are forged in those times. Ones that finally show us: only God is in control. “He alone is my rock and my salvation; He is my fortress. I will not be shaken.” (Psalm 62:6 NIV)
Uncertainty is a day-to-day thing when we think about it. Health, finances, jobs, marriages. A constant reminder, if we’re listening, of just how dependent we are on God. Jesus taught us how to pray and the Bible reminds us that we are to pray at all times, without ceasing. We are so much more fragile than we want to admit.
Peace comes only when we open our clenched hands and surrender to His will. “Whatever circumstances we are facing…let’s remind one another that ‘the Lord God Omnipotent reigns!’ It doesn’t always seem so, but it is so.” Alistair Begg
I love the phrase: it doesn’t always seem so, but it is so. Yes, Lord Jesus, You reign! We are safe even when it doesn’t seem so. “My salvation and my honor depend on God; He is my mighty rock, my refuge.” (Psalm 62:7 NIV)
Be prepared…
Ahh, the mountains – for a flat land, at or below sea level girl, I just can’t stop smiling as we drive or hike or sit out back. In the car, those curves require slowing down, the back roads require a sharp eye.
Our first hike was not without incident. Though we’re not experts, we’re also not novices (and we chose an easy, well-marked trail). We thought: ‘piece of cake’, as we started. Back home we had been walking non-stop 2-3 miles a day – even in the heat and humidity, every day.
There were small elevation changes up and down, a shady canopy overhead. But my first clue came when my watch told me we had been going for two miles and there was no sign of being back near the trailhead. Hmm, must be around the bend… Around the bend we were out of water and a good mile or more – uphill – in the sun away.
I started praying – with my husband’s condition I knew this could turn out badly. We had come to a lower parking area far from ours. We could either get back on the trails and try and weave our way or we could get on the main road and hope someone would drive by who would have pity on us.
The first SUV zoomed by, and we could tell the main road was not a good choice. So, we started back towards the trails. An older car came our direction with a couple our age and slowed down. I think they were angels (smile). We were at our car in less than five minutes guzzling water.
Total hiking miles? 3.89 Turns out 3.89 in the mountains is different than sea level. Reflecting on this, and giving God all the glory for the outcome, reminds me of His instructions for life: be alert, be prepared, be humble…
“And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be ALERT and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people.” (Ephesians 6:18 NIV) “But in your hearts revere Christ as Lord. Always be PREPARED to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect” (2Peter 3:15NIV) “Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be HUMBLE, thinking of others as better than yourselves.” (Philippians 2:3 NLT) (upper case mine)
Jesus never leaves us – on the level paths of life and during the times when we can’t find our way – He’s right there – and He is the best trail guide.
A very little thing
Today rain came down long and hard. Soon gullys were filled and streets were shallow rivers. Thunder echoed and everything else quieted. Then a frog would croak – overjoyed by the gift of water.
I closed my eyes and listened, thinking: what do I hear, feel, smell? The melody of God in charge of the wind and rain – the storm – calmed my thoughts to focus on HIm. When I opened my eyes, the world was wet – downspouts bubbled streams of water, puddles formed in every low spot.
I’ve never lived where it snows, but I understand there’s a certain hush. Whenever God does what only He can do, man has a choice – take the time to immerse in it or keep up the noisy business of life. “For in Him we live and move and have our being.” (Acts 17:28a BSB)
How hard it is for us to grasp that our very next breath is a gift from the Lord. If He weren’t holding all of us together every millisecond, we would cease to exist. For example: when an atom nucleus has two positive charges, it means there are two protons present. Protons are the only subatomic particles with a positive charge and reside in the nucleus of an atom. These two protons repel each other due to their like charges. What keeps the nucleus together? Scientists can split it and make an atomic bomb – but they cannot replicate two positive charges and keep them from repelling each other.
“Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?” (Luke 12:25-26 NIV) To God, adding an hour to our lives is a ‘very little thing’ – but something we try to achieve every day. Eating right, exercising, doctors, mindfulness, and on it goes – all good things, yet forgetting Who holds time in His hands.
As every snowflake is different, each of us is even more unique. There is no other you. Fingerprints, blood, thoughts… Known by God before time even began.
As broken as things may seem to us, in our own lives and this world, Jesus fixed them all – once and for all time.
Sure, we still walk this hurting earth – but He reminds us: “I have told you these things, so that in Me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33 NIV) Someday, dear one, all this will end, Jesus will return – and if you know Him as Savior, you will go on forever and there will never be anymore brokenness.
Finding our way
I told God I had run out of words. I had nothing worth sharing. A gentle nudge – share Me.
Two years ago the valley of the shadow engulfed us. Me in particular as I couldn’t reconcile the “whys”. So, I retreated. And that was a bad choice. That choice then made me the only one who could ‘fix’ things – and instead I wound up facing chronic pain due to the extreme tension of trying to change what I don’t have the power to change.
My husband of 41 years has leukemia. Two years ago we were told a big, long word that didn’t sound good but also told it would be handled by “wait and see”. After all, only 33% of those diagnosed with MDS will get leukemia. Then this April, we became part of the 33%.
I worked hard to overcome the pain in my body and just as I was seeing the end of the tunnel, his tunnel began. If you have cancer, or any life threatening disease, you know this road. Today in the shower I told God: “We have not had the miracle, the cure, the sadness lurks day in and day out. What kind of testimony do I have?”
A reminder came to my soul – it’s never our testimony – it’s the resurrected Jesus’ testimony. He has overcome leukemia and every other thing that plagues our weary world. How could I not share this?
Here in Florida we get a lot of rain. Sometimes the sun is shining and it’s raining. I call them sun showers. We also get a lot of thunder and lightening. I sit outside in a protected area and listen to God cleansing the earth.
He cleanses our broken souls with soft showers and loud cloud bursts as well. Sometimes it’s just a setback – sometimes it’s life threatening. But always He can use it to make us better. If I have any testimony, it’s that I am not the person I was two years ago. And, clearly, God is still working in me. I am more compassionate, more honest with myself, and have a deeper trust of Christ’s love than ever.
As I begin this writing journey here, again, (I stopped as the darkness swallowed me), maybe it will help you find your way – whether you’re experiencing days of joy or days of deep sorrow. For all these things are gifts from God, if we let them be, and stop trying to ‘fix’ them our way.
Waiting Place
We often find ourselves in the waiting place. Waiting for a new job, a mending of a relationship, waiting for a diagnosis, a cure, a break from the hard stuff, relief in pain. Have you ever heard of Abide Meditations? Scripture-filled short and long meditations for daytime and night. Today, there was three-minute message focused on: But you, beloved, by building yourselves up in your most holy faith and praying in the Holy Spirit, keep yourselves in the love of God as you await the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ to bring you etenral life. (Jude 1:20-21 BSB emphasis mine)
Some part of us knows that what we’re waiting for may never occur. Another, deeper part, hopes it will. And the part in us where the Holy Spirit resides, our hearts and very being, says: just rest, seek, trust.
This isn’t natural for us. Some of us are doers. Some of us have not encountered this waiting thing before. And all of us just want to move on. To be anywhere but this place.
One thing about eternity that brings much comfort for us ‘waiters’ is that time itself will no longer be our focus. Forever is a long time and we don’t have to count the hours or years let alone the eons ahead. This is freeing, this is hope, this is promise.
Personally, over the last eight months of waiting through pain, what Paul David Tripp calls ‘suffering’, I have cried out ‘How long Lord?’ I’ve begged for an end – a Job finale. Everything restored as it was. Days have blurred one into another and still I ask every day for the miracle. Because… I can, you can. We are His children and we can ask. He does answer – just not always the way we think He should, or when we think He should.
So, today if you are a ‘waiter’ remember He is waiting with you. As the Abide message said today: ever wait in line for something and then a friend comes along and you start chatting? The time flies by. It’s the same for us in our wait now. Right here in line with us is Jesus, our friend and Savior. We need to chat with Him – because in doing this we will stop counting how long and focus on what’s truly important: His presence.
Time – for Truth
Last week I was open and vulnerable with you – definitely not how I usually operate. I’m guessing you might not be that way either. I introduced the subject of suffering – in all it’s myriad forms: physical and/or emotional pain, fear (also known as worry, doubt, fretting, etc.), and so much more.
Since that post, I was blindsided by the big A: anxiety. To the point that after two days of a racing heart I wound up in the ER wondering if I had heart issues – thankfully I do not. Have you, or are you, in that place called anxiety? If so, share some words of wisdom with us. For four days now I have been confronting this enemy of the soul – with some success, as in one step forward and then two back.
But this morning when I woke up I felt the nudge to begin to seriously look at what triggers some of this. This may seem a little out there, but maybe it will encourage you to ask the Holy Spirit to help you find some triggers.
During the last seven months of severe daily pain, I have weighed a lot of this journey on my sleep quality – actually the lack of it is more like it. I get up often at night and move around a lot to get comfortable. I look at the clock, calculating how much – or little – sleep I got. The nudge was: hide the clock face and don’t give in to looking at it. I’ve been doing that – because the truth is: me counting it does nothing to help the situation. But it may be doing a whole lot to trigger anxiety.
“In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, LORD, make me dwell in safety.” (Psalm 4:8 NIV)
Then the nudge was: what is truth? So many of us are hurting and need these anchors for our souls.
1. God doesn’t disappear when we go to bed. There’s a wonderful old song that ends the first stanza by saying: “Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light.” God is light and there is no darkness in Him. His light is set over us throughout our long nights. Might not see it when our eyes flutter open, but it is ever present.
2. Anxiety is us still trying to do this on our own. I don’t feel like I’m purposely trying to go it alone, but truth is, if I’m counting the hours, have a racing heart when I’m awake, then I don’t think I’m resting in the Lord.
3. Remember how the Bible tells us of Jesus’ works while here on earth? Things like stilling a storm, raising the dead, healing the blind and lepers. If He could do that while He inhabited a human body, I think we are safe in concluding that He can calm the storm in and around us – but we must allow Him.
Here are verses for the truths above: (2 Corinthians 4:6, 1 Peter 5:7, Matthew 6:27). PLEASE look them up, write them out, and put them where you will see them. Repeat them in your storm. God’s Word is powerful – and He has not – and will not – dessert us. Let’s invite the only true God to work His peace in us. If you are struggling with anxiety, I would love to pray for you – and covet your prayers as well.
Joy in Suffering?
If you’ve followed me for a while, you’ve probably noticed: I’ve gone missing. Heartache and pain struck our family last fall and I clammed up. For me, it’s chronic, debilitating physical pain. For my husband, a diagnosis that’s not good.
There’s all kinds of pain and suffering. Physical, emotional, spiritual, relational – not to mention that inflicted by outside circumstances like disasters, accidents, food insecurity, financial insecurity, persecution, and a long list I can’t begin to fathom. At any given time, our lives are touched by it. Just sometimes, it seems overwhelming.
I’ve read books and articles, listened to podcasts. There were no easy answers. I was/am discouraged. Because…I’m human. But here’s what we need to know: we live in a broken world. Wasn’t supposed to be this way. In the beginning: “Then God looked over all he had made, and He saw that it was very good!” (Genesis 1:31 NLT)
Dosen’t feel so good right now. How about you? Are you currently in the midst of a trial that blindsided you? I think it helps to know we’re not alone. At times, I have needed to know someone out there was experiencing something similar to me. Why that helps, I don’t know. Perhaps because it eases the pain of the isolation that often goes hand-in-hand with suffering.
I don’t have answers, but I can’t lose my hope – and neither should you. “Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why the unease within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise Him, my Savior and my God.” (Psalm 43:5 BSB)
My website is: Paris Renae, Living Braver. I thought I knew what that meant ten years ago when I started writing. Hindsight now shows me I didn’t have a clue. Perhaps my focus, as you join me here, is going to shift a bit. It used to be: keeping an eternal perspective. Because those who know Jesus do have a glorious forever ahead. I don’t want to lose sight of that – for your sake and mine – but we are here and now. How do we manage until our someday?
If you are suffering long-term or even just beginning a journey, would you comment briefly and let me know how I can pray for your situation? Sometimes, for myself, all I can utter is: Lord, Help. But what if a community developed of us crying out to our Creator for each other? Our prayers don’t fall on deaf ears. A united, faithful, and hopeful community of prayer sufferers can lighten our loads and bring joy.
Oh yes, I did say joy. And I’m determined to find mine again and help you find yours too. “He made heaven and earth, the sea, and everything in them. He keeps every promise forever.” (Psalm 146:6 NLT) Forever – we can rejoice this Easter Sunday – no matter the pain, because someday no more of this.
He Came to Show Us
I know – I’ve been absent. For the first time in ten years. I’ve been a bit lost. How about you? It’s that time when all is glitter and lights and good cheer. Only sometimes…it’s not. I see it all around our broken world.
Yet today I learned this from another devoted follower of Messiah: “That place where you feel abandoned…is really where God has placed you to be met by Someone — Him.” (Ann Voskamp) Dear one, we’re never alone, never forgotten, never going through the mess with no purpose.
“While we live in these earthly bodies, we groan and sigh, but it’s not that we want to die and get rid of these bodies that clothe us. Rather, we want to put on our new bodies so that these dying bodies will be swallowed up by life.” (2Corinthians 5:4 NLT)
I’m thinking since God was willing to have His Son come into a rough and brutal world, leaving behind glory and perfection, to be found in a weak, needy baby body – might I be willing to walk through this time of pain in my body?
Might you be willing to walk through your loss? Your hurt? Your shame? Your agony? Sermons remind me, books explain to me, and the Word shows me that He has lived all these things. We couldn’t believe He understood all our hurts, so Jesus came to show us that we could trust Him. “I have come as a light to shine in this dark world, so that all who put their trust in Me will no longer remain in the dark.” (John 12:46 NLT)
It is hardest in the darkness, right? In the middle of the night when sleep evades and fears loom, we must let the Light pierce through. There’s a portion of Psalm 139 that is often skipped over. David speaks of how numerous God’s thoughts about us are and that we are precious to Him. He finishes with a simple phrase: “And when I wake up, You are still with me!” (Psalm 139:18b NLT)
The Light – Jesus, Prince of Peace – enveloping us in Light we might not perceive now but will someday bask in forever.
So, yes, MERRY CHRISTMAS – because even if this Christmas seems anything but joy-full, the promises are still true. His guarantee unbreakable. May we hold on tight knowing: “God Himself has prepared us for this, and as a guarantee He has given us His Holy Spirit.” (2Corinthians 5:5 NLT)
parisrenae 